I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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