So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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