I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
