where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
