you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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