I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
