he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
