YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
