yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
