I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She's the barista slut.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
