I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
