Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
