Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
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i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
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He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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