At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
