so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
