awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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