She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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