His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
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