Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
only you would photoshop your dick
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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