She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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