well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
