somebody snuck up and got me drunk
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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