He told me they were just razor bumps!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
