Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
