nut hugger
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
