Non-Jews are for practice
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
