So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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