worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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