I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
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UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
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We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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