Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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