the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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