so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
