Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
