Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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