If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
