whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
