please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
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You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
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It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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