I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
