I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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