then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
