Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Your penis caused this!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
