I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
