dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
