grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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