I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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