He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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