so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
