but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
