with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
