ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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