C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
