I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
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He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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