JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
How naked do you want me to be?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
