I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
