My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
