well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
