I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dick very happy bro
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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