Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
