I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
