Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
