if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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