you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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