So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
