I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
